ive had quite the good day. i only had 2 hours of sleep... minor setback, but i have a new boy on the horizon. it wasnt planned by me. i jokingly asked my friend to find me a boy with a loud car and a good bass system. three days later... i get a, do you know (so-and-so)? hes 19. im fat. booo. i need to be in the 120s by friday. i was 133 this morning then 131.5 at around 6. so we'll see. my fast wasnt really a fast but a lets eat very little. damn almonds! i had 10! who knew they were 7 calories a piece! never again. (shhh... they were good. *shudder*)
to my mother since i cant say this to her face...
mom: you see whats happening on the outside, the anger and the tears. but you dont know me well enough to even guess partway correct on what's happening, and when i say i dont want to tell you, please just leave me alone. stop asking me questions. you really dont understand. this isnt rural russia.
i know i may sound like a prick saying that, but so be it! this is my blog! MINE I SAY.... whoa. sorry bout that.
it really scares me that other people can see beauty within me, when all i see is one fat lump. today one of my friends said that i was looking skinny... too skinny. and the same boy kept saying that i need to eat a sandwich. :P
speaking of food... today at lunch, i studied eating habits. its fascinating. they offered me food, and i politely declined. i may start taking mental notes. fuck, im strange.
tomorrow i start the gm. fruit day! im excited. i have cantaloupe and apples all cut and ready, and unpeeled clementines. (: i love fruit.
i have several projects going on right now. featuring a diet plan made from a picture and spot reducing... i know "impossible" but i swear its not and i will prove it.
i was going to show a picture, but i cant find it tonight. perhaps tomorrow.
thinspo? yes please!