Thursday, June 23, 2011


day twenty two: what was your lowest weight? how and why did you gain?
124.5. and binging, lots of binging.

before yesterday, i got called a hippo.
via facebook. it was awesome.

i ate one meal today, dunno how much it was but it was under 250.
im at 128 tonight.
so im going back down... yay.

almost met molly in real life today, at the mall.
that would have been cool, too bad you had to leave. :P
there always next time. haha.
went to get cpr training this morning for health.
so i didnt get to go to the gym.
i was planning on quiting smoking with my last pack with my boyfriend, my best friend, and her boyfriend.
but both the boys bought packs... and i really wanted one so....

no ones asking me questions. :( i waaannnnttt! haha.
good night girls, and good luck with everything.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011


i couldnt stand posting until i had a good day under my belt.
i did not eat today... and burnt over 700 calories.

recently, everyone has been telling me to be healthy.
all i can reply is, healthy is not in my vocabulary.

day fourteen: what’s your UGW? When you expect to reach it?
100-110 lb. im thinking by my birthday, september 24th... thatd be cool.
the sooner the better.

day fifteen: are you vegan or vegetarian? If so, has this helped you lose weight? If not, would you ever consider turning vegan or vegetarian?
im a vegetarian, trying to be vegan.
and no, it has not.

day sixteen: when did you first decide to lose weight?
some time in middle school, didnt actually start until last summer.

day seventeen: do you have an eating disorder?

day eighteen: what food is your weakness?
pizza, chocolate, chips... the usual.

day nineteen: when was the last time you ate fast food?
depends, i had pizza last night. but legit fast food?...
maybe february.

day twenty: favourite diet?
not eating.

day twenty-one: what your clothing size?
no fucking idea.

i wish i had something interesting to say.
im on my period... like hardcore.
ive obviously been eating too much.
no more of that business.
my boyfriend and i had sex.
i havent really been doing much except sleep, health, work out, and andy.

i would like to ask for questions again.
ill try to post more i swear, i love you all.

Monday, June 20, 2011

the binge monster is back.

ill update better later.
too jumbled up from all the food.
im so sorry. i didnt mean to fuck this up.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

ive got some catching up to do...

im not really in a good mood anymore.
this constant fasting is making me depressed,
but it makes me happy at the same 126. 5 [[tonight]]

day eight: your workout routine
i barely ever get to go to the gym.
but when i go its usually
20-30 minutes elliptical
15-20 minutes stationary bike
then abs on the floor.

day nine: did people ever make comments about your weight in a negative way?
not really, i mean...
one lady said it looked like i was disappearing
but i took that as a compliment.

day ten: what was the hardest thing you gave up during this “weight loss.”

day eleven: your favorite thinspo blog and why!
i have a lot of tumblr that i follow for their reality and relatability.

day twelve: what do you normally eat?
it definitely ranges a lot.
but right now my safe foods are: sugar free jello, sugar snap peas, carrots, apples, low calories bread, fat free butter, egg whites, air popped popcorn, sugar free pudding.

day thirteen: are you losing weight in a healthy or unhealthy way?

jeez... where to start...
i got my ears pierced by andys sister.
ive been fasting a lot recently,
and its taking a toll on my mood.
andy is fucking perfect though.
i told him everything,
but hes not gonna make me do anything i dont want to do.
but now i feel like i have to prove myself that i actually am sick.
i feel like binging, but i cant let myself do that.
i just hit my lowest weight again, and its gonna keep going down.
if i fast until wednesday at noon thatll be a new record of 60 hours.
then ill probably eat two meals that day then go back to fasting until saturday when i get my license.
p.s. still suck at parking.

i'd love to answer questions if you got them.
my boring life has been full of cars, movies, pools, and andy.
p.p.s. im getting taaannnn. haha.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

im up super early. 250th post.

hey guys!
i love you!
still sailing on a good mood.

day six: do you binge? if so, explain why you think you do this.
sometimes i binge to feel full.
sometimes i binge just to feel like im filling the emptiness.
sometimes i binge because im bored or stressed.
sometimes i binge because im out of control.
it really depends.

day seven: do your parents know your trying to lose weight? do they care?
i mean, ive told my mother several time i want to lose like 10 more pounds.
sometimes shes for it, and sometimes she isnt.
its hard to predict because my mother cant decide whether or not she wants me to eat. :P

im happy.
i dont know whether its the antidepressants,
but fuck it. im happy.
and thats really all that matters.

the boy is fantastic.
i told him some stuff,
but i cant decide whether or not to tell him about this.
i told him i cut,
which he understand because he kinda used to too, kinda.
the boy is so broken by his past, and yet has the courage to smile every day.
its really almost inspiring.
ive told him that this all scares me.
actually i think what i said exactly was.
"baby. i think im falling in love with you. which is fucking scary."
with long pauses.
i really know how to talk to a guy, dont i? :P

i liquid fasted yesterday,
i was just tired and hoping for a miracle.
which was received. im 127 this morning. HALLELUJAH!
yet this doesnt seem enough, of course.
but im doing better. i still dont feel much like eating though.
andy doesnt really eat, so im safe in that regard when im with him.
and he offers me food, but doesnt pressure me to eat anything.
oh, and i think my gap is back. it may be small, but its fucking there.

have a lovely day girls.

Monday, June 6, 2011

catching up...

will have to wait until tomorrow. its almost three am!

but i will do the challenge

day two: how tall are you? do you like your height?
im 5'7"-8" its nice i guess. sometimes i wish i were shorter.

day three: a picture of your thinspiration and what you like.
i like everything about mk. shes fucking baller.

day four: your greatest fears about weight loss.
i fear ill never get there, or once i do i wont stop. or that nothing will be different.

day five: why do you really want to lose this weight? is it really for you?
at the start of this i was an extremely overweight (by bmi standards) girl wanting to be a healthy life, since then its been for love, lust, and personal punishment and pleasure. its been quite rollercoaster. and it still hasnt ended.

im doing better now.
ill write about it tomorrow.
and now ill have more time to catch up with all you lovely ladies.
good luck to everyone, i love you all.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

challenge with ariana and cinnamon brown. (:

my stats.

height: 5'7"-5'8"
hw: 174 lb (at a shorter height)
cw: 131.5 lb
lw: 126.5 lb
ugw: 107-110 lb

all my measurements are probably the same. refer to "my stomache"

i just wanted to stop by to leave a nightmare i just had (i think its about ana)

in my dream, two men were carrying a corpse towards me like it wanted to talk to me. all I saw was its stomach that was caved in. and then when they got to me, the corpse like suffocated me. then i woke up, texted me new boyfriend, and my two ana text friends. damn.

with this challenge ill be posting more. (:

sorry, ive been busy studying for the SAT this saturday and then the new boy i mentioned. and then i have dance shows today through friday.

hope everyone is doing well, i havent (mentally).