Sunday, January 9, 2011

i dont know what im doing anymore.

i like feeding other people,
feeding them loads and loads of calories,
while i sit and watch,
i must remember not to eat any in the making, though.

todays weigh-in:
133.5 lb.

intake:
2 biscuits with butter (~350)
one cupcake (~200)
grapes (~30)
exercise:
none, again, because i suck.
net:
around 580 cal.


im so confused about what i want.
first, i want help.
then i dont.
then i want to be used somehow.
then i just feel like crying.
im a fucking mess.

i gave away all my extra frosting today,
i didnt go to the rave,
i know i feel like dancing,
but i dont feel like going to a place i dont know,
and not knowing when im gonna come home.
although, i feel like being taken advantage of.
my mind is in a strange place right now.
this probably isnt good.

i drank chardonnay as i was putting my makeup on today,
i kinda had a mental breakdown though,
because i put on all this makeup,
and then i freaked out and had the need to take it all off,
and start over,
this happened twice.
it was slightly irritating.

i wrote all this earlier.
i am much better now.

although i have a crisis,
i made macaroni for my brother,
all we had was whole wheat pasta,
which he hates,
so there about 2-3 servings leftover.
should i throw it away?
i mean, i think im strong enough not to eat it...
but at some point im gonna want it. haha.

ive been fasting since 12pm est.
thank you to everyone who commented on my last post.
i love you all,
im serious.
i wish i knew you guys in real life.

thank you again,
stay lovely.

3 comments:

  1. I'm sorry to hear you were in crisis earlier. I hate that we're so far apart.

    I would freeze the macaroni or give it to a homeless person.

    I'm so bored with my life that I'm drinking too. Just cracked open a lovely local off-dry number called 'Vin De Florence'! I have two bottles of red smiling at me from the kitchen counter. god help me! Ooh, booze-whore much?!

    http://www.ewine.co.za/southafricanwine.php?wineID=3732&wineryID=11

    Stay strong, sofia. We can do this. <3. XXX.

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  2. i hate it when your make up doesn't look right for some unexplainable reason and you have to start all over. that always is frustrating.

    this was just one of those days. but this too will pass.

    sending you love from too-far away!!!

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  3. i don't think that it is necessary to be skinny to be beautiful. You are beautiful as you are. All it takes to be beautiful is to feel beautiful. Feel beautiful by eating healthy (not little amounts of food, not too much) but the right food. And exercise. Endorphins make you happy. If you feel good and happy about who you are, you will be happy. You are a beautiful person.

    ReplyDelete