Monday, January 10, 2011

day four: a sibling

dear ilya,
i love you so much. and i wish we spent more time together, but i understand why you dont like to be at home. i dont either.
im sort of following in your footsteps; i know thats bad, but i cant help it. its better than being boring.
im going to ask you one thing: please dont leave me here alone. i wouldnt be able to take it here in this hell without knowing youll come "home" eventually.

i love you,

todays weigh-in:
136 lb.
i strangely dont even care.

for digestive purposes primarily.
(my tummy hurts whenever i eat)
1 cup of kefir (140) + 1 cup hot cocoa (50)

i really miss ryan,
i havent seen him in two days.
i spent the day with my group of friends,
i walked 6.5 miles.
(so im thinking i burned off those drinks)

after coming home, i got yelled at.
quite a bit.
i went to my room to change so i could go back out,
then when coming to the realization that i had nowhere to go,
i started crying hardcore.

im better now.
i would like to share with you...
a poem cinnamon brown shared with me.

Philip Larkin - This Be The Verse

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.

currently craving chinese,
oh well, not gonna have that for a while.

stay lovely.

love heeerrr.

no. they are not.


  1. Ah man, living at home sucks ass! I think that when you leave home, your relationship with you folks will improve. I little distance goes a long way!

    Hope you see Ryan soon and when you do, snog the pants off of him!

    Stay strong, Sweet Pea, were almost through! <3. XXX.

  2. It's okay, I know what youmean (: Thankyou darling, you're lovely.

    Some of your thinspo has inspired me artistically; I think I'll paint some of them (: <3

  3. beautiful thinspo.
    and thank you you so much for all of your comments. they mean a lot to me.

    so, i just realized that even though i am following you, your posts don't show up on my post-y wall thing...? wtf? anyways, i'm going to have to check on my own i suppose lol.

    i hate being home also. can't wait to get away finally and go back to uni.