Thursday, January 27, 2011

yesterday someone questioned me.

she asked, why are you so quiet? this is so unlike you.
this is how i know im changing.
more antisocial, quieter, hard to reach.
i hate my home too much to become completely antisocial...
but i dont know what im doing,
im afraid of being annoying.
all my life i have been described as annoying.

todays weigh-in:
128 lb.
but! i weighed myself just now...
it said 127.5-128. so lower tomorrow morning?!

this morning i started freaking out.
i had had over 500 calories before 9 am.
so i freaked and said.
stop. i am going to follow this plan. and i will not count today.
well i counted anyways.
haha. soo...
approx. 835-400=
435 cal.
hopefully that boosted my metabolism...
i hated eating that much.
1 cup of rice was like whoooaaa there im hella full.
im fasting tomorrow. (:

apparently, according to my parents, i have halved in size.
i really dont see it. thats probably bad.

im starting to like the gym.
good procrastination tool. (:

i hung out with matt and friends today.
it was weird, im not gonna lie.
but honestly, ill take anyone who treats me right.
my daddy freaked when i came home in a loud car with a boy. :D

opinion time!
could sudden weight loss cause nervous system issues?
because my eyes have been out of wack, and i have drop foot. :P
also, the backs of my knees hurt.
like your knee pit? haha.
i dont know what its called. any suggestions?

its 3 am... i should probably sleep.
if i need a tad bit of energy tomorrow before the gym
i will allow soup (60)...
i have 1 hr of hip hop, then the gym.
so i think thats a good compromise.

i went grocery shopping today
i bought 110 calorie oatmeal packs.
and baking stuff.
im baking this weekend if i havent mentioned.
im going bake to my middle school cooking class.
haha. think funnel cakes and puppy chow.
but thats not all!...
im an idiot.
im sabotaging myself.
im also rambling.

also, it seems like everyone here doesnt stay sane...
well good, insanity is a lovely trait. (:


  1. love all those pictures!!
    you're probs feeling achey from the sudden weight loss and lack of food - your body doesn't have enough energy to fight some of those illnesses. take care of yourself xx

  2. Baking is great, it's just annoying having the final products around...
    I'm sorry you're not feeling well. Take it easy for a few days, get a good amount of sleep.
    The scale will catch up soon.

    Yes, very nice pictures. :)

  3. Don't over-exert yourself at the gym girl. I know we're always trying to push ourselves, but sometimes it ends badly (i.e. my stress-fractured foot!) Be careful. 128 is great, by the way - I was there only a few weeks agoa nd I'd kill to be back there now.


  4. It's probably the gym that's making you feel all achey. When you haven't eaten enough your body doesn't have enough energy, so that's why your body will feel tired. I get the thing about your eyes - when I haven't eaten in a while I go all hazy!
    The pitures are all fantastic :)
    I'm also insane, and it's been coming out more lately. Not particularly good when you make people think you're extremely weird.
    Stay strong, sweetheart <3

  5. I have no idea what's wrong with your nervous system but I do know that there is no actual name for the back of the knee!! hehe

    Keep it up hun, I love your grocery shopping list, I need to buy some more stuff because I feel like I am eating the same thing every day!!

  6. You sound like you are doing far as the eyes freaking out thing....when I have been restricting properly, my eyelids twitch constantly it seems like. So there might be a connection. I wish had energy to go to the gym. Right now I feel always tired and hungry, I am not sure why. I am tallying it up to school starting and my body adjusting to the new schedule. Anyways. Thanks for letting me ramble! lol

    Keep up the good work.

    I might have to fast along with you tomorrow....well starting now really.
    unless I get drunk tonight....getting drunk messes up my fasting, always. boo.

    Empty is Strong

  7. watch out. if they all notice something's up, they'll start looking for reasons why more things are wrong. try to show that everything's okay (even if it isn't. i sound like a terrible friend, but do what makes you happy and don't let them get in the way of that. but balance that with making sure you don't hurt yourself. go get that goal, but don't step over the edge- it's a long way down.
    sorry for the hypocritical speech. i hope things start looking up <3