Friday, January 7, 2011

gm diet: day four: bananas and milk.

i see pictures of delicious food on tumblr,
and i want to cry because a fatass like me cant have that.

133.5 lb.
seriously, kill me.

4 bananas (480)
1 yogurt (80)
1/2 cup milk (45)
none because i suck.
620 cal.
(bananas really arent worth all the calories)

i replaced yogurt for milk,
because i very much dislike milk.

tomorrow is russian christmas,
so i will baking instead of going to school,
(my choice, because i love baking. :P)
heres the list of possibilities i will be shopping for tonight:
red velvet cupcakes with cream cheese frosting
mocha cupcakes with mocha buttercream frosting
devil's food cupcakes with milk chocolate buttercream frosting
lemon cupcakes with cream cheese frosting and candied lemon zest.

i asked ryan what he wants me to make,
and he chose cupcakes...
so there we go!
also, im leaning towards the mocha ones,
since he loves coffee haha.

im also trying to make nondesserts:
sweet love knots
some really spiffy mac and cheese
buttermilk biscuits
these russian cheese bread things

(im not making all of these, haha.)

im really sorry if that made you hungry,
since this diet restricts me from a lot of foods,
ive been looking at food a lot.
its quite irritating,
OH MY GOD! the thought of french fries is killing me,
i sit there at lunch and watch the majority of the table munching on fries and cookies,
and i just die a little on the inside.
but i am strong and must not buy them.

i almost binged tonight,
this diet is really killing me on the inside,
like, i NEEDED that bread,
i dont even like bread.
[[this thing is doing crazy things to my head]]
but it was amazing because i knew it was forbidden.
maybe i should just give up,
and accept that ill be fat forever.

fuck this.


  1. Jesus, the fact that you're making all of that with your man in mind and refusing fries when all those around you are caving proves you're a strong, Russian woman!

    My great-grandmother's was Russian.

    While my mother never kept up any of the traditions, I make these in memory of a great and strong woman.

    I use pecans instead, because I find walnuts can be bitter.

    Hope you survive the day and the baking. <3. XXX.

  2. I love making mocca cupcakes and putting them in espresso cups topped with white frosting and a dusting of cocoa. I'm all about presentation in my head, but it always comes out a gooey mess :P
    I love bread. But I must not eat it. It's too available at my parents I ate so much. I always feel like I 'need' carbs. Just remember that your brain controls your hunger.
    Keep up the good work <3

  3. Aww don't give up! you only have like 3 more days left of it!!

    Everything you listed to bake sounds amazing<3...I don't have the control to bake & not eat. So kudos to you if you can do that!