Wednesday, January 25, 2012


ive come to a crossroads.
i hate who i am.
so the point is: reinvent myself.

i wish to become a multisided person.
imagine an elegant, wispy woman in a pantsuit.
getting everything done, with no time for food.
one who sells drugs, but you wouldnt know.
beautiful. delicate. AWESOME. haha.

yes, i havent really done well since i last posted.
i havent eaten in 15 hours though, so thats a start.
but i hate this feeling of nausea that has overcome me.

so heres the plan.
get all my schoolwork done.
go shopping for new clothes.
eventually weigh myself....
start making clothes again.
start going to the gym again.
party at night.

it seems ill have no time for sleep, whoops.

you know what they say, sleep is for the weak anyhow.

stay lovely, dears. <3

Saturday, January 21, 2012

i binge when im irritated or bored.

wednesday: i fasted.
thursday: i think my total came out to be 920.
friday: hella binge.

i skipped school yesterday. i slept over at my friend kyle's with tyler, and when i got up i was like... damn i have a pep rally and two quizzes im not ready for... fuck it.

tyler and i got into an argument yesterday though. ive been in a bad mood recently because ive been more aware of my expanded size, and i cant really tell him that. I want to tell him something, but i dont want him to be aware of anything.
actually, ive decided. once i reach 110, ill tell him. maybe.

so far ive had a large side of mixed veggies (~70) and a fortune cookie (~32) from panda express and a bit of yogurt at work (~20). so before noon, a total of 122.

im not eating again until after work, so around 4.

good luck with everything, everyone. i will comment as i work and when i get off. PROMISE.

im hoping for a good day, but at the moment i have to open the store in like... 7 minutes. so bye for now. c:

Thursday, January 19, 2012


Why wasn't I good enough for you?
I was and am too fat, too stupid, not enough, too shallow, not smart enough.
I don't even need to ask you in person.

ive been thinking of the past, i dont know why.
its stupid and i wish id forget.
but well, that is not the way my brain is functioning.

ive been fasting for almost 24 hours now, and i forgot how good it felt.
the smile the creeps onto my lips every time my stomach growls.

im about to go out and do some molly.
rolling at school, and not eating.
i suppose there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

should i weigh myself soon?
i do not know.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

fruits and veggies day

so far has been okay, but i know when im at home, i eat out of boredom. so im trying not to do that, but ive been out of habit for a while.
the first three days of school were alright. i got work release which means i get out of school at 1230. which is awesome.
on monday night my mom and i had a huge stupid argument and i ended up taking too many antidepressants (stupid) and tyler took care of me all night. which was awesome.
did i mention i have a new boyfriend? yeah... not that exciting, but hes a big part of my life, and i tend to talk about him a lot more than i intend to, so just putting that out there so you know.

and i know im not doing my part in commenting. i will soon! PINKY PROMISE!

i love all of you that are still here, and those who arent. <3

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Hello girls.

Alright, I haven't gotten off to the best of starts. But I'm still confident. I'm posting on my phone right now, so I promise ill read and comment soon.
I ate sensibly yesterday until I was coming off k yesterday at like midnight and ate a fuckton. But I'm pretty sure the entire day was under 1000. Which is good right now for me.
Then my friends and I ended up getting molly in the middle of the night. So I've been up and I probably won't be hungry because I left some for later when I'm coming down.
I'm hoping today will be under 300.
I made a new notebook. For rules, eating out calorie counts, and daily food logs.
I'm literally terrified to weigh myself. But I won't for a little bit because I know the number will depress me and cause me to say fuck it and hella binge.
Well, that's enough rambling for right now.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012


i have no idea how much i weigh.
and i understand if half of my followers have disappeared.
but if youre still there. comment, so i can read your blog too. c:

everything is going alright in general life.
ive just been smoking a lot, and therefore, eating a lot.
and not caring i guess.
it used to be evened out by molly binges...
but im not doing any more molly for a bit.

oh, p.s. ive become quite the druggie. :P

but other than that, nothings changed. im just little [huge] ole me.

hope everyone has a lovely day.