Tuesday, December 14, 2010

today, because im depressed, i talk about how life is unfair.

i miss it when i didnt know the caloric value of everything, but thats what got me so fat.
i hate boys and girls with high metabolisms, because genetics told me i couldnt.
i can tell who is physically fit, and who is naturally skinny. there's a difference, but im neither.

but i will be.

todays weigh-in:
138.5 lb.

half vegan cheese slice (20) + 8 chocolates (340) = breakfast (360)
one spoonful of mint chocolate chip ice cream (10?) = snack (10)
salad (65) + soy dog (45) + chips (160) = lunch (270)
soup (60) + .5 serving chips (80) + 5 chocolates (213) = dinner (353)
jazz (-300)
walking (-75)
588 cal.

the people at my lunch class like to tease me about not eating, saying im anorexic and such.
first, im nowhere close to that skinny.
second, if only they knew the thoughts that run through my head.

today, my mother offered me chocolate for breakfast.
it would have looked very suspicious if i had said no, so i ate 8 pieces.
serving size was 4, whoops. well now i know because i found the plastic wrapping with the nutrition facts on it in my brothers room.

will is being an absolute douche. he keeps calling me annoying, and he called me a brat. and honestly i dont need that right now. i keep crying and breaking down and it really isnt the time for that considering i have my first final tomorrow, and its calculus too. fuck him.
then he just says he's worried about me, silly boy.
and then! he says he thinks that i may feel the same way about him (since when are people mindreaders! and bad ones)... and i say i dont like commitment and that i think i like a lot of people... and hes says its cool i wanna hook up with you. so... apparently. one. im hookupable. and two. i like him?... idk, i may do it. just to get him off my case.

and my mother keeps questioning my food choices. shes like that soup has a lot of calories... and im like no it doesnt, it has 60. and then she ask me why im having so many chocolates and that they have a lot of calories, and im like... well ACTUALLY 4 have 170. so fuck off.

im in a better mood today (at the end of the day) than i was at the beginning of the day. but now i must study for finals. :(

stay lovely.


  1. I hate people with a high metabolism too & people who are naturally skinny. My sister is that way & it's so annoying.

    Your weight is going back down fairly fast :) you should be happy about that.

    My sister called me anorexic today and I was like *fuck!* then I just made some joke like, yeah I wish then maybe I wouldn't be so fat...just so she wouldn't be suspicious. I'm obviously far too over weight to look anoretic.

    Anyways, keep up the good work & you'll be back down to 136 in no time.

  2. next time just say it's too early to have chocolate haha :p
    i'm sooooo jealous of people with high mets. like, extremly. they just roll on by without another rock on their shoulder to carry. ugh!

    i would tell that will guy to fuck off. haah :p

    good luck on your finals!
    stay lovely :) xo <3