Monday, November 1, 2010

im back.

i can feel it coming back,
covering the bones,
i worked so hard to show,
well, start to show.

im going to do a recap of everything that happened since "taking a break."

well i dont think anything happened until friday.
so we'll start there...
i went to this party at 8.
i was gonna get picked up at 11... so i was like.
ill only smoke a little.
but then they open the beers... so im like ill only have one.
then smoke a bit... then another beer... smoke a bowl... then a shot... a bit more weed... then another beer.
funny thing is.. the beer stopped the munchies... i wasnt hungry. haha.
lets just say i text a lot of people and call a lot of people.
i thought i could be straight for my dad at 11... but boy was that a fail.
i almost hooked up with someone... but i found out today that he doesnt remember a thing [he got alcohol poisoning... i didnt realize he was so drunk].
so since he doesnt remember, i guesss after the post i wont either... or bring it up.
i think i may like him though, but the problem is i have a boyfriend. and well... even though he's accross the mother fucking country that is morally incorrect.
im visiting my boyfriend over thanksgiving. but i think im gonna tell him that i want to take a break until i see him... because its torture for me. and then we can talk.

nothing really happened on saturday and sunday except i ate a lot.

i weigh 145 now. but i can already feel myself getting larger.
so now i start this again...
i know why im doing this.
because i want to be cared and loved. weird, huh.
because if i stay with my boyfriend i dont want him to think im just this fat chick he can do whatever he wants with. [i say this because he hasnt called me in 10 days... he left me a measly fb message on saturday though. whatever..]
and if i break up with him. i want other people to want me. i dont want to be discarded and forgotten.

yeah... here we go again.

effy from skins. i loooooveee her...


  1. <3 effy is adorable.
    And, I care, I care a lot :). All of us do. Just remember :)

    xxx welcome back, missed hearing your thoughts & scribblings <3

  2. Ah you sound like me... I tell myself "only one beer, only one hit" then next thing I know it's 6 or so beers and tons of blazing!

    <3 the pictures