Saturday, November 6, 2010


i feel like any amount of food now a days is too much.
like normal people would think of 120 calories as a small snack.
i feel like thats a huge meal.
these numbers are ruining my day.

i havent weighed myself in a while.
i keep forgetting, dont have time...
and im honestly afraid.
i want to have a really good day
before i weigh myself next.

dont even want to talk about it.

i went to the dentist this morning.
i want to get my frickken braces off.
but nope.
one unruly tooth will cause me to have them
for a month or two more.

oh well, ill deal.

right now,
im craving a crunchy salad.
or an apple.
but i had 120 cal of hummus and pita chips earlier.
it just feels like soo much.
too much. :/

i hate that this is starting to rule my head.
sometimes, i want to lose enough weight so people will start to care.
but i know that if they never did, they never will.
i do want to look lovely because being a whale isnt exactly pretty... at all.
this whole eating barely anything was probably acceptable when i was overweight.
but i guess it isnt now... since im not technically "overweight"
but all see is fat. and its annoying as fuck.
you know?
i wish i could see myself through other peoples eyes.
im so biased against myself.

lets be lovely,

1 comment:

  1. Omg I feel exactly the same as you.
    ANYTHING now is too much. It's like I'm afraid to eat anything because it's 50 calories, god forbid I have a 50 calorie snack! Once it gets in your head it owns you though, It's almost impossible to escape it.

    But yeah I started out at 177. (gag!) and now I'm 146, so yeah our stats are ridiculously similar lol I am still considered overweight and it grosses me out. You're SO lucky you're 5'7. Being 5'1 SUCKS. I will technically be overweight until I'm 132!!! Ugh.

    I'm sure you look lovely.. but I know what you mean by wishing you could see yourself how other people see you. It's tough.