Wednesday, February 23, 2011


i did post a post saying i was doing well.
but alas, i binged.
i have no excuses.
nor will i make any,
please dont say its okay. because it is most definitely not.
i shall post tonight when my stomach is empty and words flow.
but for now,
i am full and numb.

next time i do this,
im either going to take sleeping pills,
or im going to take a night walk.
although those kinda scare me...
ill get over it.

ph, and i just popped some laxatives.
tomorrow will be interesting.
damn this is fucked up,
but this is my life.
i feel like i should be a bad picture book.
certainly not for children.

i need some kind of new reminder
perhaps ill make a bracelet to remind myself of you girls
and what i need to do.
damn, i wish i could still cut.


  1. "certainly not for children"

    I love that. Idk why.

    And I also love night walks, even if they are a little scary.

  2. You don't wish you could cut. I know you don't really!

    Night walks are the best, but it's best to take a friend along :) It's safer plus you can have adventures! I once broke into a private school grounds with my bf and laid on the tennis courts all night looking at the stars. Magical :)

  3. the bracelet helps! it really does. make one/buy one/ whatever but set some rules to it. put it on the hand you grab food with most. you'll see it when you reach for the food and remember why its there. sometimes i ignore it, but its hard to ignore when its bright red =]

  4. Hey darling. Sorry to hear you're on a little downer. One binge though. It'll b gone by tomorrow. If you gain, it's water not fat and no-one will even notice anything so don't fret.

    I'm so jealous you have laxies. :(
    I want some, and I'll get them straight away when I get paid on Friday :D

    I normally start taking like 3 then I end up taking like 3 in the morning, and another like 7 in the evening. They're addictive things those laxitives.

    But truth be told... I fucking love them.

  5. Please don't cut! Do you really want scars all over you forever? It's not worth it believe me.

    I'm sorry you binged. I went on a two week "I don't give a fuck" fling/binge and I just got back on track, what I find helps me every time I want to eat/binge is saying to myself "summer is coming, bathing suits, no one wants to see a fatty in a bikini, do you really want to be the fattest girl at the pool brooke?" lol tis what I call tough love to myself. The bracelet thing never works for me, but each person is different & different things help them. Good luck<3

  6. i love night walks. the places you know so well during the day are completely different! tho if u live in a rough neighborhood or something, take a flashlight and...pepper spray or something. be safe!

    laxies are amazing at helping you feel empty, i love them!! i hafta b sure i stay hydrated wen i use them tho coz otherwise i feel kind of sick.

    good idea on the bracelet, and tomorrow will be a better day!! :-)

  7. Night walks are the best.... Keeps your head clear and your tummy trim.

    About the laxxies - please please please be careful... <3 Don't want you getting hurt. mkay?

    I'm thinking about making a bracelet as well.

  8. i'm sorry I didn't respond to your text right away. I'm going through some stuff too and I'm just stressed out. I hope you're doing good but do text me and I'll write back as soon as I get to my phone. <3

  9. you'll overcome this, girl.
    please be strong. you're one of my favorite girls to keep up with :) you motivate me.

  10. Awww, darling, I'm sorry to hear that you binged (I can never forgive myself when I do that, so I completely understand what you're feeling).

    Well, I have never tried laxatives, so I can't say anything about that, but if they work for you, that's good :)

    You are so strong, girl, and you've been doing so great that I know this too shall pass :).

    Lots of love, I'll be thinking of you.

  11. time and perserverance and work will right all wrongs.

    you're adoreable. i <2 *giggle* you too.