weight on the scale: 145.
weight lost this week: 1 lb.
todays intake: around 900.
i just feel bleh.
and then i had a breakdown when i was on the phone with my boyfriend.
so THAT was awesome.
i just keep thinking.
i could just give up.
but i cant, i just cant.
this is the only thing thats mine.
the only thing in life i can control.
i can even control my fucking emotions.
so i will do this.
and i have specific goals for this week.
-only one soda a day, if that.
-go the gym everyday, shoot for everyday, at least 5 times this week, and do cardio for 30-45 minutes.
-keep calories from 500-800.
i need to learn that just because i over eat one part of the day,
doesnt mean i need to fuck of the rest of the day.
i mean thats common sense.
also, my parents need to stop buying bread. and cheese. and desserts.
their fat asses dont need it, and neither does mine.
oh, im awful.
i cant judge them when im just as bad.
sofia, this isnt drugs, you can just say no, i dont want any.
haha. im actually really nervous to smoke again.
i used to love the munchies for some reason,
but now i know im gonna hate it.
and ugh. maybe i should just... not smoke.
but im so fucking stressedddd.
maybe ill just bring fruit with me when i go do that.
i hope the scale is nice tomorrow.
i feel like i should name my scale.
then i can be like... i hate darla. or roberta.
but i dont like either of those names.
actually... hm im weird. okay im going to sleep.
considering its almost 1 am.
until tomorrow. (:
[[just a stray thought: ive realized i like waking up. my day starts out with zero calories... and i can keep it like that for at least 4 hours. and then its at 100 for four more hours and then after that im on my own. but those first 8 hours are absolute bliss. i feel empty and wonderful. why dont i think about that at night when im stuffing myself? i dont know.]]