Tuesday, September 6, 2011

im a new person.

i no longer feel.
i cry, but i dont know why.
im considering disowning everyone i know.

i made out with matt... a little.
i dont know whats going on,
and i dont think i care.

im fucking fat.
but im no longer eating.
im fasting right now, i guess.

ive been watching the tudors.
it make me cry when watch or hear anything about love.
i have never been loved.
i will never be loved.
or so it seems.

i hate crying.
but i really dont know what else to do.
i understand if all of you have given up on me,
everyone else leaves.
this community shant be any different.

im rereading wintergirls.
i love that book so much.

hopefully the next time i write,
ill have more things figured out.
if you ever want me to read something of yours, just let me know.
im a lazy ass so a reminder is always nice.
ill be around.


  1. You're never alone here. We all deal with numbness. Don't give up!

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  3. don't give up on turning yourself around. this is a rough patch, but seriously, things will get better. and don't say you'll never be loved. I know there have been people that truly care about you in a way that can only be described as love and that other people will come along in your life and love you again.

    good luck with the fast, just make sure that you're still losing weight for you and not someone else.

    xx jackie

  4. I'm still here, listening... keep your chin up dear. I'm so sorry that you're incredibly sad. My only recommendation (since this is what works for me) is to find something to really pour your frustration and sadness into. When I was in high school, I took up knitting. It distracted me and didn't allow me the time to be sad. I still knit, but now I run too. Even if I'm feeling incredibly depressed and unmotivated, I just make myself go out, even if it's just two miles. I always feel even a little bit better.

    Email me if you need anything (sshoemakerAThotmailDOTcom)

  5. We're all here for you, so dont feel like you're alone :)
    When im sad i always feel like noone loves me or will ever love me but even though you may not know it people love you even though they may not always say or show it :) x

  6. I'm sorry you're feeling this way hun!

    This sadness will pass, eventually.
    We're here for you. There's a big ana community out there ready to get and receive support.

    Cry, it's fine, it's normal. I hate crying as well, but we all still need it, we're not robots.


  7. I've been crying right along with you the entire time. x

  8. huuuugggggs <3
    I hope things start to look up and that you'll be safe because i love having you around and reading your posts - anything you need just let me know :)
    have a good fast though :) lots o' water :)

  9. You are not fucking unloved you silly cow, we all love you to bits :3

    I've just come back after being gone for 8 months so I'm not entirely sure what's going on but just know you can talk to me whenever, mk? :)