Wednesday, September 21, 2011

the skinny trend.

i miss the screams of old friends,
they disappeared from the world,
perhaps they recovered,
i dont want to think of other options.

yesterday i weighed in at 143.
entirely horrendous, and i wasnt expecting it.
however, i intended to start the abc.
and i was at 500 until 2am,
when i binged.

today, on the other hand, ive done quite well.
a total of 180 intake minus 640 exercise.

so im hoping monsieur scale is forgiving tomorrow.

but here are the new rules:
1. each "meal" can have a maximum of two items.
2. no eating after 10 pm. (leads to binging)
3. create to do lists, showing no time for food (getting a planner soon)
4. gym/dance at least once a day.
[[EDIT: 5. leave some of your food on your plate, hence eating less of it.]]
this way i get more done, and i dont eat. win-win.

today i realized, i have way too many dreams.
and dont tell me i have an entire lifetime to do this and that.
i really dont for the stuff i want.
everything has to be decided right now.
for example, in the past couple of days i decided i want to try modeling (have to lose weight for), take more acting classes (have to lose weight for), take pointe (have to lose weight for), take more dance classes (hove to lose weight for).
see a trend?
i dont know what i want to do in college.
i really want to go to new york, i think subconsciously because i want to be closer to that model/acting hub.
but i also dont want to be in hella debt when i get out of college.
im at a loss. either i pick something that makes me a lot of money, or ill pick something im not necessarily good at and either fail at or not make money out of it.

lets just say im at a crossroads and want to give up.
the only thing i know for certain i have to do is lose weight,
which is something i have to do no matter what.

next time i write ill tell you guys about my birthday plans for this weekend. :D
have a lovely day.


  1. Love you, pretty thing.
    You can do anything; you're brilliant.

  2. it takes awhile to figure out what you want to do in life, just don't jump into anything without thinking out the pro & cons...sometimes less is more, meaning going far from home to a big city can be more hassle than expected. I wish I would have just stayed home and finished school like all my other friends..they are out of school and I'm still stuck.
    I hope you figure things out! And don't worry about the number on the scale from your binge...things will get better!

  3. pointe is brilliant :) You'll love it!
    I know what you mean about feeling like life needs to be decided now.
    Good luck :)
    you can do it!!

  4. I don't think you can have too many dreams. Of course realistically, you can't really accomplish tons and tons of dreams, but you should always keep your options open!

    Good idea on the no eating after 10. I try not to eat later than 8 because I'm a night-binger as well. :/

    I didn't know what I wanted to do in college, even at the end (hence the 4 changes in major over 5 years...). I still don't really know what I want to do, since book writing probably won't make me any money anytime soon. Hopefully we'll both figure something out, something that makes us happy!


  5. being skinny definitely opens so many doors. we can do this. and you can get your dreams, especially if you want it enough.

  6. I just texted you. I need another texting buddy (my one friend ran out of minutes) and our gw are similar. ^_^