Monday, August 1, 2011

building up the wall.

my mother thinks im fat,
she liked me better when i was 125,
after three days of fasting,
she told me so herself.

my best friend relapsed.

i almost hit 150 lbs.
water weight, but annoying,
i almost gave up,
but im 13 hours into fasting.

today is my two months with andy,
but im haunted by the thoughts of last night,
i flirted with matt.
do you remember him?
we dated for two weeks, he didnt talk to me for one.
total douche, but doesnt change that i think hes cute,
and who even knows why i think hes cute.
hanging out with him brought up thoughts...
i need more attention from my boyfriend.

today, im doing to bake cookies for andy,
and apply for jobs (maybe)
i just finished my first summer reading book. catch-22.
i have two more to read in two weeks.
brave new world & crime and punishment,
along with a research journal on crime and punishment.

im tired,
i want to be numb,
just think about calories and numbers,
and not think about my future
that thoughts of are being forced upon me.

until i write again,


  1. Good luck with fast.
    I'm with you.
    Don't give up. ever. never! :)
    I'm glad about your two months with Andy.

    Stay Strong.

  2. I find the best thing to do with mothers is just ignore them!

    Congrats on your anniversary and best of luck with the job hunt and the fast.

    Hang in there, S. Stay strong. Love you. <3. XXX.

  3. ughhh my mom is the same way. I wish I could slap her in the face sometimes. It's probably just best to avoid her though. Good luck with your fast, though, I know you can do it.

    Much love,

  4. Mmm Crime and Punishment. I read that my senior year. No real climax, but that's what makes it so great and different from other classic literature.

    And yay for your two months. =)
    I hope the cookies come out well and your fast ends up being successful.