Tuesday, June 7, 2011

im up super early. 250th post.

hey guys!
i love you!
still sailing on a good mood.

day six: do you binge? if so, explain why you think you do this.
sometimes i binge to feel full.
sometimes i binge just to feel like im filling the emptiness.
sometimes i binge because im bored or stressed.
sometimes i binge because im out of control.
it really depends.

day seven: do your parents know your trying to lose weight? do they care?
i mean, ive told my mother several time i want to lose like 10 more pounds.
sometimes shes for it, and sometimes she isnt.
its hard to predict because my mother cant decide whether or not she wants me to eat. :P

im happy.
i dont know whether its the antidepressants,
but fuck it. im happy.
and thats really all that matters.

the boy is fantastic.
i told him some stuff,
but i cant decide whether or not to tell him about this.
i told him i cut,
which he understand because he kinda used to too, kinda.
the boy is so broken by his past, and yet has the courage to smile every day.
its really almost inspiring.
ive told him that this all scares me.
actually i think what i said exactly was.
"baby. i think im falling in love with you. which is fucking scary."
with long pauses.
i really know how to talk to a guy, dont i? :P

i liquid fasted yesterday,
i was just tired and hoping for a miracle.
which was received. im 127 this morning. HALLELUJAH!
yet this doesnt seem enough, of course.
but im doing better. i still dont feel much like eating though.
andy doesnt really eat, so im safe in that regard when im with him.
and he offers me food, but doesnt pressure me to eat anything.
oh, and i think my gap is back. it may be small, but its fucking there.

have a lovely day girls.

5 comments:

  1. If I were you, I wouldn't tell him about the food and weight issues. My boyfriend knows about mine and everyday I wish he didn't. I hate it. He'll be like "Hey, do you want some garlic bread?" And I'll be like "Maybe later," but we both know that "later" actually means "never" and I just sit there and hope to God he doesn't make a comment like "What? Yo're never gunna eat garlic bread again because you think you're fat?" You know what I mean? Boyfriends are never ok with you having an eating disorder. The pressure is always on to be normal.

    Anyway, make the decisions you think are best for you. =)

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  2. 127! wow congrats:) I am super jealous!
    I'm glad you're happy:), hope you & the new boy work out!

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  3. Yay!!! I'm really happy for you! :)

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