Wednesday, January 2, 2013

lets just cross out trust and love.

a dark grey has settles over my bones,
my internal forecast
thunderstorms and showers,
lightening aimed straight at my heart.

every say i wake up alone,
i feel anxious and tense.
i start crying,
my entire day unwinding until puffs of smoke calm me down.
i dont feel better,
im just getting by.

if i wake up in andrews arms,
its entirely different,
i feel at peace,
someone else cares.
but i dont trust anyone anymore.

my best friend and ex boyfriend wont speak to me,
he says he isnt over me yet,
and i spent most of new years eve crying about that.
ive come to the realization that its okay,
i just miss him terribly,
but i dont know whether or not im in love with him anymore,
i dont know,
i dont think so.

shattered messages,
pieces of a tangled past scattered.
you cannot read her pages.

i keep having suicidal thoughts.


  1. Sounds like you're in a dark place.
    maybe it's a blessing he isn't talking to you, maybe you both need to get over each other, sometimes being alone can make you happier. I don't really know if I'm making any sense or just making things worse.
    Hope things start looking up for you dear<3

  2. Is there anyone at all you can talk to about how you're feeling? I do not take suicidal ideation lightly - as you probably know, my dearest friend committed suicide this year.

    It seems like you're in a really difficult period - ultimately, you cannot depend on someone else to be the foundation of your own peace, strength, and happiness. That may work as a temporary solution, but it never lasts. I don't know if I even have any advice to give, except trying to harness and hold on to the feelings you have with Andrew, so you can stand on your own two feet. I hope that doesn't sound harsh, I don't mean it that way.

  3. Ugh. I'm really sorry. :( I hope that things get better soon!