hello my dears!
ive finally started doing something about my horrendous weight!
ive had two steps back, but im working on it.
monday: i just chilled
bmi: 20.4
tuesday: i signed up for classes.
bmi: 20.6
wednesday: i tried to fix my classes.
bmi: 20.1
thursday: i had a really big business opportunity present itself.
bmi: 19.9
friday: i went to starbucks because my mom messed up my doctor appointment time and had lunch with andrew.
bmi: 19.9
saturday: today! i toured a house with andrew. its a little too small for the price, but we're considering it.
bmi: 20.1
we're moving in together.
i dont know if im happy about it or what.
im excited, obviously. there are a lot fo new things coming into my life.
but im scared.
he could change everything.
nothing could change.
i could change.
i dont know how well i can handle all of it at once.
my mood was better this week.
probably because i was losing weight.
this morning, after the gain, i cried.
ive been cutting again.
i guess its just the way the cycle goes.
ive finally started doing something about my horrendous weight!
ive had two steps back, but im working on it.
monday: i just chilled
bmi: 20.4
tuesday: i signed up for classes.
bmi: 20.6
wednesday: i tried to fix my classes.
bmi: 20.1
thursday: i had a really big business opportunity present itself.
bmi: 19.9
friday: i went to starbucks because my mom messed up my doctor appointment time and had lunch with andrew.
bmi: 19.9
saturday: today! i toured a house with andrew. its a little too small for the price, but we're considering it.
bmi: 20.1
we're moving in together.
i dont know if im happy about it or what.
im excited, obviously. there are a lot fo new things coming into my life.
but im scared.
he could change everything.
nothing could change.
i could change.
i dont know how well i can handle all of it at once.
my mood was better this week.
probably because i was losing weight.
this morning, after the gain, i cried.
ive been cutting again.
i guess its just the way the cycle goes.
Don't let the gain bring you down, dear. I'm sure you can get right back on track. I'm sorry to hear about the cutting though, I hope everything is going to be better soon.
ReplyDeleteWow, moving in with someone is a big step. Hopefully everything will change for better and you'll be really happy.
Love
~Meg
I'm glad you're losing weight. stay focused on your goals, and don't forget to reward yourself with a little self-love once you get there. I know you can do this!
ReplyDeletebest of luck with all the coming changes.
Jax
Hi Sofia,
ReplyDeleteI just stumbled across your blog and I'm really glad that I did. I think it's great that you've got goals, and you seem to have gone through a lot already, but one thing I want to say is please, please be careful. It saddens me so much to see that you consider your life will be better if you're "smaller, more fragile, prettier"...half of the battle for finding happiness is also finding acceptance of yourself and who is to say that once you reach that lower end of a healthy weight, you will find that "easiness"? It's a slippery slope, and you are so likely to find it hard to stop if you continue encourage the habit of such strict control and monitoring of your weight.
With every pound lost, "beauty" doesn't come further within your reach. That comes from having complete confidence in who you are, embracing your flaws too - whether you weigh 100lbs or 400lbs. If you think you'll feel more comfortable with your body at a slightly lower but still healthy weight, then that is honestly great, but it will not make you less beautiful if you put on a pound or two. Weighing yourself daily is not productive, your body will do what it wants and depending on hormones and the amount of water in your system, your weight can fluctuate hugely...noting down the pounds will make you beat yourself up about that, when reality it's completely out of your control.
One thing I would encourage you to do is not weigh yourself every day, or worry about the numbers so much. Just get off the scales and stay off. Throw them away. You'll know when you're losing weight by the feel of your clothes, but to monitor yourself constantly can take you somewhere incredibly unhappy...trust me. It's a habit that can be destructive to your health in the long run. I really can't stress that enough.
I know I'm a stranger, but I'm saying this because I'd like to see you truly happy, and that you get there sooner rather than later. I hope you keep well, and best of luck with your goals.
Love and best wishes, Hope x