im not trying hard enough.

and i know it.
im a wimp, im weak,
and she deserves better.

i think im in the 140s now.
im terrified to weigh myself.

but starting 7/28 at 9 pm. i fast until the 8/1.
i will not let you girls down.
that is over three days.
which would make it my longest fast yet.

august 1st is my two monthaversary.
i dont know if we are going to do anything.
because we didnt on our monthaversary.
but im thinking about baking him cookies.
i feel like that sufficient for two months... right?
im awful at this relationship junk.
i also havent had sex in over two weeks.
partly because im not allowed in andys room anymore,
according to his mother.
and partly because im fat.

also, my mom called me fat tonight.
hence the long fast.
so now i stay out of the kitchen and hide my money from myself.

im going to look like this soon...

hello ladies. confessionals.

it seems i wrote exactly a month ago...
nothing much has changed,
monotony prevails apparently.

i truly miss all of you.
im currently on my 51st hour of fasting. 137.5.
as you can see... ive gained quite a bit of weight.
this past month has been binge after binge after binge.
like, ive never eaten that much before.
i went out of my way to stuff myself until i felt as if i would burst.

but this must all change,
it is my goal to not eat junk until august 15th, the day i go back to school.
also, i would like to be 120 by then.
i understand that is a large goal.
but i will try my best, for how else is there to try?
certainly not half-heartedly.

thank you to everyone that commented on my last post.
if i wasnt a hippo then, i definitly am now. haha.

i curled my hair tonight because i never sleep when i fast,
and molly asked me to take a picture.

p.s. my hair is probably going to be blonde next week. :D

now for some actually attractive pictures...