Sunday, July 22, 2012

the bad month of july.

well, since coming back to america, most of my life has gone to complete shit... go figure.

.... well not all of it, but yeah. 

ive gotten smaller, i think. but ive gotten into eating a bunch at one time then not eating again or eating a bunch at one time again... like once i start i dont have a stopper. im working on it though.

i think im dating three people at one time right now, sorta. i dont know, i think i just like the attention, i guess. but two of them claim to love me and i like the other one more than those two. its very confusing. i dont love much anymore.

i got robbed at gunpoint but this stupid fuck i was dealing to a couple days ago. and i think ive been going insane. i drink too often, cut too frequently, smoke too many cigs, am constantly high, i smoked molly for three days in a row which made my head hurt so bad this morning i literally couldnt get out of bed. i havent really been doing many other drugs but i just havent really been in contact much.

my mom crashed her car yesterday and i looked at bills for college a couple days ago which depressed the fuck out of me.

i cant feel many emotions anymore. i can only cry when im shitfaced. and i mess everything up. 

i have no money anymore because my friends owe me a total of 3 grand and that guy robbed me of a little over a grand.

well, now that im done complaining, let me try to think of something fun and fabulous to say.

derp. i seriously just sat staring at the screen and around my room for a couple minutes and couldnt think of anything. i really need to start weighing myself., maybe ill do that tomorrow. and ill try to read more of your blogs, i just try to stay away from my house most of the time because i feel so oppressed and miserable and worthless here.



  1. Oy. what a july you've had!

    I'd say what your mum would probably say, smoke less, dance more, and pick one guy.
    But I'm not your mum, so do what makes you happy, as long as it actually makes you happy.


  2. Wow, Im glad you're okay after being robbed at gun point and I hope your mom is okay. I'm sorry to hear about all that you're going through.

  3. Maybe that's gonna sound silly but don't give up, and respect more yourself . You deserve more smile and less troubles.

  4. I'm so worried about you.
    You are worth more than anything you'll ever know; and of course you don't see it (do we ever?) - but please, please be careful.
    And next time you smile; whether tomorrow, or in a month, hang on to that smile and keep it close; keep it safe.
    You deserve to smile.

  5. Darling it's Bella - again ;)
    My second blog is if you want to follow; but it's more than fine if you don't - these are only the thoughts that drive me to insanity.

    I love you.