new beginning.

i love new beginnings almost as much as i love breaking rules, especially my own rules. i keep changing my mind and i cant make it up, all i know is that i dont want to leave. i deleted 2 of my latest posts because i changed my mind, i didnt feel like that anymore. sure because of this weekend i undid a lot of my hard work. but thats life for you, thats lack of control. i cant change what i did, but i can change what i am going to do about it.

i would like to give you an update. i went to a concert on friday, saw a very attractive boy, called him sweaterboy, facebook stalked his band, found his facebook. :D. i then went to a sleepover where i ate a lot. and then i woke up and ate a lot more, then i went home and ate a lot more, then i felt bad so i tried to purge, which made me feel even worse by the way. so i spent saturday night at home, and then sunday morning i was gonna restart myself and eat well but then i had a 50 cal breakfast tooks some vitamins and diet pills which made me feel really nauseous. so then i ate ramen to make it feel better, because i was so nauseous i couldn't concentrate. and then i proceed to eat more and more as the day went on.

this morning i weighed 141. im not changing my goals. (in the "my stomach" tab). i might weigh more tomorrow, but this i must take and deal with. there is no crying allowed. i did this to myself, i will undig this hole im stuck in. build myself a ladder out of dirt.

i have 6 days before my ex comes home to visit. i have 13 days before christmas. i have 15 days before my blogger anniversary. i have 19 days before the end of the year.

this is my mind set, i must do this.