i know all of you deserve more.

than a few sporadic posts every now and then.
and you deserve a lot more than this next post.

one. andy and i broke up when i got back from my vacation. im fine now if i dont think about it, like... i think its better for me that we did... or i should say that he did, but it still hurts to know that i put all my trust in a person that said they wouldnt leave but did. im also fine for some other reasons ill mention below.

two. i now have a supplier of generic zoloft, vyvance, and dexamphetamine. i also have some lexapro from a while ago. ive been taking those. initiall, because i was sad so i took some lexapro, but school is already stressing me out and i have a shitton of work on crime and puinishment due on monday, and a huge project in environmental science due on wednesday and like 5 tests at the beginning of next week... and im freaking out just thinking about it. these pills have given me the opportunity to stop thinking about life. like, when im on them, all i think about is what i need to get done, and what i should do. i dont think about all the shit thats happened or the stressball of fucking hell most people call the possibilities of the future. so basically im numb. which works both in my favor and against me.

three. i recently completed a three day fast. 69.5 hours to be exact. i ate about 500 calories. and started another fast at 5 pm on 8.26.11. my weight is unknown because the pills also give me ridiculous dry mouth so like... yesterday, i drank like 8 water bottles and a few sodas. hella water weight. but im assuming im in the high 130s at this point, realistically.

four. i really like art. that is all.

five. im back bitchesss. (: hope all of you are doing well. I LOVE ALL OF YOU. you'll be hearing from me. thats a promise.