"pain is only as real as you allow it to be."

1. my skin is really sucking right now. like i dont know maybe i hit puberty again? impossible, but still. im not going to get into the details, but my face looks less than lovely. probably due to the junk ive been consuming. but that must stop considering i dont want to have an ugly face... thats like my only attribute [[for now]]. so the plan is eat fruits and veggies, and less simple carbs. yup.

1.5. i wrote 2 then realized i dont think i told you guys that i cut recently... it was more of an accident really but idk.

2. i hung out with C last night, with two other people in his basement, but still. ive come to terms that i like him, and im pretty sure he likes me. but last night... gah. i wish i had the ability to hide things better. okay so we were on the couch, and the other two people were playing wii. and he's like... so what are the ribbons for. and i dont remember whether i said i dont know or something of that nature. and then he says, well its pretty obvious. and then starts moving them and i snatched my wrist out of his hand. yup, he knows. and when i told him that no one else knows and probably dont care, he says thats not true! and really? im seriously surprised he noticed. and hes so naive to think people care, but i like that he has a positive outlook on the world that i dont have.

3. my first ex started talking to me again. i think he wants to see me or something, he said he misses me. but i dont know. i find that irrelevant. anyways, i believe hes 19 now? maybe. and well he offered to get me cigs. which would be really nice to have. but that means id have to meet him somewhere or have him drop them off at my house. and i really dont know what he wants in return. z

4. lastly, i want drugs.


Sarah: the pills i got from a friend... so no instructions. haha. and he is quite sexy. ;D
All.That.Wander.Are.Not.Lost: thanks for commenting dear, it means a lot. and like i said, i do like him, ill just have to get over that. haha.


stay lovely. <3