i think i may have to take a break from this.

i need to get my priorities in order.
i have no drive to do this.
and without any kind of inspiration...
im just lost.

i have nothing stopping me from eating.
and i was doing perfectly fine until an hour ago.
damn grocery store.

i will be back,
but for now... i need something,
i dont know what.

be back soon, <3

p.s. thank you for all the lovely encouraging messages.

blah.

did bad today.
big lunch AND big dinner.
kill me now.
i have posting this though, because i feel like such a disappointment to you guys.
but... i dont really have anyone else to tell.
i had around 1600.
and anyone else would say thats "normal"
what the hell is normal anyway?

new rules:
1. i hate pizza.
2. i hate chocolate.
3. i hate fries.
4. i hate cookies.
5. i hate chips.
... i think thats it.
those are the foods i normally binge on.
but never again!... i hope.

even though ive been having bad days recently... ive found a gap inbetween my legs that i never noticed before... makes me kinda proud that all those days i used to spend hungry didnt torture me for no reason. and if i did it once i can do it again.

while binging today i heard a voice in my head... it was saying not to eat... at least only eat the strawberries... stop!... but it was so tiny... i couldnt hear it after i shoved all that food in my mouth.

and now i feel nauseous... and my dad made steak which is REALLY REALLY gross [im a vegetarian] and it just makes me feel even worse... and now my heart hurts... and damn, im just full of complaints.

tomorrow will be better. i promise all of you.
i will not disappoint you.

thank you.

to everyone who commented on my last post.
Sofia Bee, Bella, Xo-glass-slippers-oX, Mich, and teaspoon.
thank you very very much.

you guys are the reason i stopped myself from overeating today.
i ate around 800.
i know its a bit high... but its only cuz i had 500 at lunch.
DAMN FRIES! GO TO FUCKING HELL!

that is all for today.
<3

im going to get back on track.

ive had a bad weekend, eating wise.
but its a new week.
and by halloween, i AM going to be under 140.

got it? good.

<3

i smile when my tummy rumbles.

todays weight: 143.5
.... i think.

intake: 520 cal.

i had an incident with hummus today,
i had had a 100 calorie meal already when i took it out.
and i dropped it.
so obviously its a sign that i shouldnt eat it.
right? eh, oh well.

i decided that i wouldnt smoke until friday night,
i dont want to get addicted or whatever,
because i already find myself wanting more... xP

btw, hello 20 followers!
i love you all, and hope youre doing well.

until tomorrow, xo.

im still a friggin idiot.

so i went for a smoke like and hour ago and came home like 15 minutes later.
i thought nothing of it.
i rolled around in some grass so i would smell of it too bad.
and i had been out for a walk once earlier.
and get this.
my dads like, hey can i ask you something?
and im like sure... *keeps walking*
i started to fill up my waterbottle.
and hes like, have you been smoking?
-astonished face- -thinks shit i still smell like it-
oh well, i just have to be more careful.
and buy another lighter since mine is... well i only have one and i want to keep it on my bedside table when im at school so my parents dont think about it.

i had about 650 calories today,
would have been less if my brother hadnt gone to the store and came back with chips (150), or the cake i had (100) xP

oh well tomorrow is another day.
i went to the neurologist today for my messed up foot.
and hes said he wants to do an MRI on my back.
and they weighed me there.
147.3... i really need to get a new scale.
i weighed myself when i got home 143.5...
so conclusion: my scale is 3.2 lbs off,
it tells me i weigh less than i really do,
but imma go by my numbers... since theyre all ive got.

im not going to lunch tomorrow since i have to make up the test i missed today.
itll be my third day in a row with lunch,
not so hard, eh?

i think the cig i had was a marlboro menthol,
well whatever it was it was delicious.

till later. <3

sickly?

i had around 1100 today,
i know, thats a lot,
just call me a freakin elephant and get it over with.

its 2 am. and im hungry.
i guess thats good... but i ate so much...
i wonder how.

i went home early today,
i felt sick so i called my mom.
and she picked me up.
and im going home early tomorrow as well,
for a neurologist appointment.
i think i forgot to mention this earlier.
i pinched a nerve in my leg and am now not able to flex my foot, or walk normally.
which has been causing quite the strain in my exercising...
the little exercise i do.

heres tomorrows plan:
B: cig and light mocha (100)
L: something light before the doctor, maybe yogurt (80).
... i dont like plans.
i never follow them anyway.
something unexpected happens, and then everything goes to shit.
fuck this. the plan is: eat as little as possible, kay cools.

later.